Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
