We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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