history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
