you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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