I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
