I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
