If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This house was built for laser tag.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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