I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
