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i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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