i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
