Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
