Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
