The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
