It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
