We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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