real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
