TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
