No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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