you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
