I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
