I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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