okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
MIDGETS
????
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
