There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
