Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
These tits shall not be calmed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
