perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
