If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
