At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
