so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
