3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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