Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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