Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
