My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
