Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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