i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize