I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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