I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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