were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
