I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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