had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
