could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
