Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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