I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
