I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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