Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
