dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
