I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
