If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
