My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
