Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
