My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
