Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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