is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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