Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
