Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
40s are totally the cure
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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