I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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