12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
