i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
