Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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