just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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