I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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