I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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