There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
