somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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