i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I had to cum in my sink.
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