If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
