My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
