i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
