i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
