Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
