i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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