Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
