my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
