I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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