Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
