alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
