we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
