I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Green mimosas i think yes
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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