can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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