Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
