You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
